The Hardest Thing I’ve Done in my Life

It has been about a month since I arrived at AIM, and I continue to learn new things about the Father’s heart every day!

Recently, I’ve been learning about humbling myself before Him, dying to myself daily, and how to trust in Him. These past two weeks or so, I started a reading plan. I read the Gospel in chronological order, instead of reading Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, one at a time. As I’ve read them, I’ve seen a theme of reckless abandonment and one of fully trusting Jesus. In Matthew 4:18-22, Jesus calls Peter and Andrew to follow Him and immediately they drop their nets and follow Him. They don’t second guess, ask questions, or doubt, they simply do as He asks. In Mark 2:13-14, Matthew gives up being rich, comfort, and protection from the Jews to follow Jesus. 

I’m learning that I need to give up my comforts and what I enjoy clinging onto and completely surrender to Jesus. I need to learn how to rely on the Lord’s strength when it doesn’t make sense or when I can no longer go on. For example, this past weekend, the men were tasked with the “Man Hike.” This entailed an eleven lap hike through the woods that totalled 8.8 miles. On the hike, we had to carry three different tires, one was about 100 pounds, the second was about 150 pounds, and the last one was around 300 pounds. We also had to carry each member of our team around the whole lap at least once, one person had to be blind folded, and someone always had to be crab walking. While being blindfolded and being led through the woods by my teammate, I learned how to walk by faith not by sight and how to trust the hand that is leading me. This helped me trust both my teammate more and God more. I can easily apply this to my life, at times it may not make sense, but His guiding hand will always be there to guide me through the storms of life. Carrying the three hundred pound tire was definitely a struggle. Carrying it up and down through the woods and then up a huge hill that we deem ‘The Jesus Hill’. While carrying this tire, we were all exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The only person we could rely on for strength was God. We began to pray out loud asking God to give us the strength to carry this tire, and every time we did, before lifting it off the ground, it became lighter. While crab walking on the last few laps I would try to push myself to a point that my teammate would then take over at. Everytime that I would try to get there on my own, I was never able to reach it. Every time I asked God to give me the strength to get there, I was.

Learning to surrender and humble myself before Him has definitely been a challenge to myself, but the result of putting aside my pride and seeing His goodness has been so rewarding! 

On Saturday, we leave for New Orleans to work with Samaritan’s Purse to help a community which has been damaged by Hurricanes this past year. For those praying for my squad and I, I  ask that you pray that we go there with open hands, willing to serve the needs of those we encounter, and that we humble ourselves daily before God and seek His will in everything.